5 Reasons To Not Let Depression Control You Anymore!

Family – It can be very vexing to loved one’s when you are depressed. On one hand they want nothing but the best for you, but on the other they sometimes get frustrated and wonder why you can’t simply snap out of it. It can be particularly hard on children of someone with depression as it may affect their outlook on life for many years to come. Having experienced this myself, I can say definitely this the number one reason to fight your depression.

Work – Work life generally suffers when in the throws of depression. It is more difficult to concentrate and not as easy to create and maintain good professional working relationships and partnerships. Furthermore, it makes being a “Self-starter” more unlikely. Rather than moving forward, maintaining the status-quo becomes more acceptable, even if only unconsciously.

Love – The love life of a person with depression can suffer tremendously. Regardless of How much someone may profess their dedication to another person, if the other person can never see the bright side, it can wear on them. Life is short, right? Love conquers A WHOLE LOT, but it doesn’t conquer everything. Sometimes we must add internal fortitude to love to truly be invincible. Besides isn’t it better to fight, not just for you, but for this person that you love as well?

Health – University studies have proven that people who are depressed are more likely to get sick, and more likely to die of an illness than those who are content. It is in your benefit, health wise, to fight your depression as well. A recent New York Times article, citing a University study, indicated that persons who have been diagnosed as depressed have more hospital visits, and a shorter lifespan.

Prosperity – The depressed person sometimes lacks clarity of thought, and may miss golden opportunities to improve their lives if only they had been paying attention. This may be, perhaps, the most important point, since many people believe they would be happier if only this part of their life, or that part of their life, etc was different. Allowing good things to happen in your life might just give you the jump start needed to end the cycle of depression and self imposed-isolation( even if only figuratively ).

Fighting depression can help your life in many ways. In some ways, the fight in itself is also a reward. You become stronger, do better at work, have better relationships, and can focus on what is really important in life so that you can improve it, for yourself, your family, friends, and loved ones.

About Depression

Depression is often described as a psychological disease. There are several types of depression, ranging from mild to severe. It’s hard to identify factors that cause depression. However there have been many studies done to try and understand the underlying causes of depression to help prevent it. Moreover, more studies have been performed on what type of medical assistance helps to treat depression best.

The most noticeable symptom of depression is feeling sad for a long period of time. This involves feeling sad for at least two weeks. However, with most depressed people, this symptom lasts for much longer. This symptom in itself brings on many other conditions; for example, feeling sad may trigger suicidal thoughts.

Generally, two types of suicidal people have been identified: those who are serious about it and those who want attention. This is not to say one type is more severe than the other – both require attention and care by close relatives, friends and professionals. In the beginning, most people with depression are not serious about it, but suicidal thoughts are triggered by their long depression period. They may show this through reading many books and other materials on the subject of suicide. They may start talking about it more often in daily conversation. These are all signs that they are thinking of suicide and want some help. In fact, it’s very important to talk to them about it, even casually, to show them that you have interest in their lives.

Contrast this with the most serious suicidal people – these people do not talk or mention their suicidal tendencies because they’d like to act on them and they want no one to ruin their plan. These people can be helped too. They require more attention, especially more medical and professional attention. Simply talking to them about suicide may not help.

Depression has many other symptoms that vary from person to person. Some people may lose their appetite or gain more appetite. They may lose or gain weight unexpectedly. They may start forming different habits – like listening to different music or gaining new friends. Of course, this isn’t a sure sign of a depression, but when many of these elements are combined they may be warning signs.

Depression may have different causes for different people. Some major reasons for depression have been identified, like social isolation, substance abuse, stress, a death in the family and disability. When more than one symptom occurs at the same time, the risk of depression is higher.
When trying to help others with their depression, be very empathetic. They may need more attention and support, but they don’t need anyone telling them how to feel and that life is rosy. Everyone can escape depression given the right conditions.

Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility

Emotional dependency means getting one’s good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within. Who or what do you believe is responsible for your emotional wellbeing?

There are numerous forms of emotional dependency:

* Dependence on substances, such as food, drugs, or alcohol, to fill emptiness and take away pain.

* Dependency on processes such as spending, gambling, or TV, also to fill emptiness and take away pain.

* Dependence on money to define one’s worth and adequacy.

* Dependence on getting someone’s love, approval, or attention to feel worthy, adequate, lovable, and safe.

* Dependence on sex to fill emptiness and feel adequate.

When you do not take responsibility for defining your own adequacy and worth or for creating your own inner sense of safety, you will seek to feel adequate, worthy and safe externally. Whatever you do not give to yourself, you may seek from others or from substances or processes. Emotional dependency is the opposite of taking personal responsibility for one’s emotional wellbeing. Yet many people have no idea that this is their responsibility, nor do they have any idea how to take this responsibility.

What does it mean to take emotional responsibility rather than be emotionally dependent?

Primarily, it means recognizing that our feelings come from our own thoughts, beliefs and behavior, rather than from others or from circumstances. Once you understand and accept that you create your own feelings, rather than your feelings coming from outside yourself, then you can begin to take emotional responsibility.

For example, let’s say someone you care about gets angry at you.

If you are emotionally dependent, you may feel rejected and believe that your feelings of rejection are coming from the other’s anger. You might also feel hurt, scared, anxious, inadequate, shamed, angry, blaming, or many other difficult feeling in response to the other’s anger. You might try many ways of getting the other person to not be angry in an effort to feel better.

However, if you are emotionally responsible, you will feel and respond entirely differently. The first thing you might do is to tell yourself that another person’s anger has nothing to do with you. Perhaps that person is having a bad day and is taking it out on you. Perhaps that person is feeling hurt or inadequate and is trying to be one-up by putting you one-down. Whatever the reason for the other’s anger, it is about them rather than about you. An emotionally responsible person does not take others’ behavior personally, knowing that we have no control over others’ feelings and behavior, and that we do not cause others to feel and behave the way they do – that others are responsible for their feelings and behavior just as we are for ours.

The next thing an emotionally responsible person might do is move into compassion for the angry person, and open to learning about what is going on with the other person. For example, you might say, “I don’t like your anger, but I am willing to understand what is upsetting you. Would you like to talk about it?” If the person refuses to stop being angry, or if you know ahead of time that this person is not going to open up, then as an emotionally responsible person, you would take loving action in your own behalf. For example, you might say, “I’m unwilling to be at the other end of your anger. When you are ready to be open with me, let me know. Meanwhile, I’m going to take a walk (or hang up the phone, or leave the restaurant, or go into the other room, and so on). An emotionally responsible person gets out of range of attack rather than tries to change the other person.

Once out of range, the emotionally responsible person goes inside and explores any painful feelings that might have resulted from the attack. For example, perhaps you are feeling lonely as a result of being attacked. An emotionally responsible person embraces the feelings of loneliness with understanding and compassion, holding them just as you would hold a sad child. When you acknowledge and embrace the feelings of loneliness, you allow them to move through you quickly, so you can move back into peace.

Rather than being a victim of the other’s behavior, you have taken emotional responsibility for yourself. Instead of staying stuck in feeling angry, hurt, blaming, afraid, anxious or inadequate, you have moved yourself back into feeling safe and peaceful.

When you realize that your feelings are your responsibility, you can move out of emotional dependency. This will make a huge difference within you and with all of your relationships. Relationships thrive when each person moves out of emotional dependency and into emotional responsibility.

How To Stay Calm When Life Isn’t

No matter what is happening in the world around us, it is never necessary to become caught in depression, fear or other negativity. We are not the victims of the world we see, but have the ability to mobilize ourselves and take charge of the way we respond. There are simple steps to take which when practiced easily turn our state of mind around – and effect the world outside as well.

It is very important to both learn and take these steps. Depression and fear can easily become addictive. The longer we stay in negative states of mind, the more difficult it can become to leave them ..Our world then grows smaller and we begin to develop catastrophic expectations. We lose touch with our own power to take charge, to choose actions and perceptions which counteract the negativity. However, it is the right and responsibility of every mature adult, to steer their lives in the direction of their own choosing. The tools offered both in this article and program make it easy to do. They all result in a process of Centering. The more we practice these steps, the stronger we grow, and the more we can see negativity for what it is, something that has no power other than that which we give it.

Centering
This practice of Centering is universal. Many forms of exercise, martial arts and meditation are ways of achieving centering and balance. They are ways of tapping into the fundamental strength and courage all individuals are endowed with. In Zen they say, “Open the treasure house within.” This reminds us that we are endowed with gifts which are far greater than we currently realize or employ.

In this article, some Centering practices will be offered. While these are simple, they are very powerful. When they are taken on and practiced daily, an individual calms down and changes will soon be seen.

Attention
We are what we think about.. Morita, a Japanese psychiatrist, the founder of Morita Therapy, states that all neurosis comes from frozen attention that has gotten stuck and fixed upon recurring negative thoughts. The more we give attention to that which is destructive, the more strength it has to rule our lives. This can be counteracted rather easily.

Take back your attention. Do not let it be absorbed by all that is presented to it. The power of focus is the power of life. Spend time each day developing focus and concentration. Withdraw yourself from the chaotic external world for a period of time each day, and pull your attention back within. Sit with a straight back, do not move and concentrate upon your breath. Let random thoughts come and go. Do not suppress them, but do not let them grab your attention away. At first you may be besieged by many surprising thoughts and feelings, but if you simply notice them and then return your attention to your breathing, these will soon die down.

Count your breath from one to ten, then all over again. Do this for at least ten to fifteen minutes without moving. By not moving we are stopping what is called the monkey mind, the mind, which jumps from one thing to the next, fears, demands, grabs and sabotages our lives. It is the monkey mind, which causes our sorrow and fear. But it is only a part of us, it cannot take over our lives, when we take our attention back. By doing this daily, we are strengthening new parts of ourselves, which can guide and lead us in a new direction, one of meaning, and well-being.

This wonderful time spent with oneself is a simple way to attain perspective, become able to see clearly and be rooted in the larger truth. This time becomes a fortification against many storms, which naturally besiege us. We develop a place within ourselves, which we can always return, for wisdom, strength and comfort. When we allow the external world to consume us, we are simply giving our natural treasures away.

Rather than struggle to analyze and undo our patterns, we work directly with our attention. The question before us always is: What am I focusing on this moment? Am I present to the breathing, or lost somewhere in a dream, dwelling upon the pains and wrongs I think have others have done me, or the terrible things that can happen someday?

Reality continually renews and confronts us with new tasks, challenges, opportunities and solutions, day after day. Are we in touch with this ever flowing reality? Are we asking ourselves what is available now, what gifts we are receiving and what we can give to others, or are we dwelling upon how wronged, threatened or deprived we’ve always been?

Gratitude
As we do this faithfully, the second step of Centering appears. At a certain moment we become aware that depression and gratitude cannot co-exist in the same person at the same time. When our focus and life are primarily self absorbed, revolving around self-centered dreams, what we need and what others are thinking of us, we live in a prison without bars. Underlying feelings of worthlessness emerge, producing additional depression, hostility and stress.

In Centering as we become aware and grateful our focus naturally changes to all that we are receiving, to what others need, what we can give, what has to be done. And then we do it. We take action. We do not hesitate. When our focus is placed upon simple daily actions, and upon doing “deeds of service”, the monkey mind is dismantled and passing emotions do not take center stage.

As we Center we learn to do each action with full attention, (no matter how small or large). We do not dwell upon the outcome. Our joy and satisfaction comes from acting with a whole heart and mind. Results and consequences are secondary, and take care of themselves. When we are not absorbed by concern for outcomes, how much anxiety can we ever have?

The most powerful antidote to psychological suffering is an individual’s sense of self worth. When we are taking actions that are meaningful to us, self-respect develops naturally. When our behavior arises out of a grateful mind, each individual inevitably finds a personal alignment between their daily actions and highest values. As they become more and more occupied with that which is valuable, and life giving, their resourcefulness increase as does their sense of worth. They can then handle any difficult situation and give what is needed to all. Living in this manner, life feels like a gift they are constantly receiving, and they become a gift to life as well.

Are You Living The Successful Life You Want Or Something Else?

Copyright 2006 John Halderman

Have you wondered why you continue with life as usual, even though you are not experiencing enough happiness, and you know you want things to be different?

Your full happiness and satisfaction with life is largely based on the natural expression of yourself.

That’s great you say, so why does it seem so hard to set up my life to fully express myself the way I really want?

There are some also very natural and normal aspects of you that tend to block change. We all have the ability to change, as we desire, it’s just that we succumb to the ‘forces’ within us that seem to want things to stay as they are.

A large reason for being stuck in place, suffering from anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and stress is that you do not fully understand what you are up against and how to deal with it.

Here are some of the main factors keeping you where you are.

1. Already A Success

First we need to establish that you actually are completely successful right now whether you feel like it or not. You are always successful at living; your current life experience is clear evidence of this.

Your life experience is the result of your thoughts and actions, and you are actually always thinking and doing something. Even if you call it nothing!

And every thought and action has a result, an outcome that is its evidence.

The question is, are you totally successful at the life you really want?

If not, how can you be?

The key here is to discover new thinking and behaviors that provide the outcomes you want, and replace them for what you are doing now.

You can read about what could produce the results you want, but one of the most effective ways is to model what has proven to work for others.

2. Blocking Change

Another important point to clarify is this; everything that exists is always in motion, constantly changing, and this should include you and I. But we seem to want the opposite, for everything to remain as much that same as possible.

Plus, there is a part of our natural human thought that wants to protect us and keep us safe from any form of displeasure and even disruption. This is what most call the ego, that part of our mind that helps protect our fragile self concept, our feeling, and the picture the ego holds of us.

This ego also comes into play when you are trying to change something about yourself which it senses as uncomfortable because it is unknown or may disrupt the habits already established. The ego doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.

How can you override, go around or through the ego to make the changes you desire.

With this you will need to take command of your thinking manually yourself. Your ego has had free range up to this point, so expect the possibility some mental and emotional resistance.

Developing strong deeply seated compelling reasons for the changes, you will find the drive to persist as you are taking command from your ego.

When you find examples of what is effective for others you gain a confidence that bolsters your determination. It’s feels more definite knowing that what you are attempting at least has worked for others.

3. Once A Body Is In Motion . . .

Science tells us it is likely to keep in motion.

You keep doing the same things you have always done because that’s what you know how to do.

Your thought patterns, how you perceive things, and how you interpret things is all the product of years of gradual accumulation, one piece building upon another.

All that you have accumulated in your mind from your experiences is what you know, and it’s the basis of all your thought and action.

So it’s easy to see how you will likely keep operating from the same basis as you always have, because that’s what you know and what you are mentally and emotionally comfortable with.

And yes, even if you really want some things to be different, your mind will automatically keep using your history to shape your future.

It’s a lot like a mile long train barreling down the tracks at 60 miles an hour. Once it’s moving it’s hard to stop and it’s staying on the track that’s already been laid!

You will need to discover and implement new habits that better serve your desired outcomes. The tough part of this is that you will tend to keep filtering everything through your existing perceptions. This makes it tough to figure out exactly what to do when it includes things you are not familiar and experienced with.

A powerful method for determining exactly what to do is to copy people who are already successful. This way you are not stuck trying to figure it all out on your own, using only the experience and ‘tools’ you have accumulated.

4. Repeating Habits

Everything you think and do is based on habit, you can label it good or bad, but it is habitual.

If you do nothing to these self-perpetuating habits that you have accumulated, they will just keep on going and get stronger and stronger.

Habits are just a series of thoughts and actions that are tied together and automatically played like a computer program triggered by specific related circumstance.

It is normal for most people to allow them to run automatically, life would be far more complex if we always made new decisions each time something came up.

However, we usually have allowed many things to habitually occur that we are not even aware of, or think we can change.

Here the big question becomes what should you change to, when you want something different than what you now experience?

Further, you may question the validity of what you think up for new habits, as to whether they are worth your efforts and will reveal the results you want.

The example of others is the most straightforward way to find actions that have desirable results. This is how you learned most of your current thinking and behavior as you have developed up to this point. You just haven’t consciously chosen much of it.

You can determine what to actually do by looking at the desirable evidence in the life of someone successful. And now make the conscious choice about what you want in your life.

OK, so you have some ideas about the life you want to live, that’s usually the easy part.

It’s coming up with the new effective thinking and behavior that leads to the results you want that can be tricky. Particularly when all your current habits with your collected body of knowledge and experience supports what you now have, not what you want.

It will take some determination at first to take command of your thinking from your ego as it wants to keep the status quo and is protective of your comfort.

Soften your doubts and fears about change by finding proven thinking, habits and success traits.

Learning from the study of successful people supports your change efforts in a few ways:

ท You will have more confidence and determination in pursuing something that you’ve seen work.

ท You are not relying only on your existing body of knowledge and experience to create something new.

ท Modeling others is the most natural learning method your brain already possesses.

ท You now can choose what to model based on specific outcomes.

ท Discover things you may not have even thought of yet.

ท Fast track your growth progresses.

ท Less fear knowing others can and have already done it.

ท Quicker to decide and take action on something with proven results.

ท Less time wasted on indecisiveness and confusion.

ท What to visualize for yourself.

ท Increase your self-awareness and motivation.

ท Improve your positive attitude and self-confidence.

Think, what if the auto manufacturers had to re-invent the wheel with each year’s new cars?

Why do this with your life, when you can use what others have already discovered and proven!

Existing successful people are your greatest resource for what you can and should be doing on order to live the success you desire.